Well for the past two days my internet connection is down, as I am typing this post does not mean my connction is back yet. I just happen to be using it at fai home oh well the guy from singtel will only come on tuesday it like telling me there are errors almost everywhere you need to book a timeslot for the guy to come down. Hello how am I going to know when the error going to start hai nvm. Anyway last night was chatting with a friend, I was mentioning something about her blog pictures that there is a quite a pretty girl xiaoqi inside. And she told me too bad she is attached already, her bf is 1.75m tall and she herself is 1.66 like that. It like she is still complaining for the height that he is not tall enough cuz when they hug she rest on his shoulder not the chest. So the feeling quite of not very feel protected. Oh man that really strikes me to thinking again. It like oh man must a guy be really tall then he can protect her gf ? So does that mean being short is alway at an advantage? So short people will not be able to protect her so efficiently right. So that why girls will perfer her bf would be taller. So the though of that makes me feel like ya I am going to be fated to be alone. Someone may say hey don give up hope there are shorter girls out there ya I know but would she also want taller guys ?
Yesterday after hanging up with her was feeling so sad that I tried calling a primary school friend.Actually wanted to ask her some questions but never manage to because she sort of find that I am unusual so trying to hide the fact I never tell her so I continue a another kind of convesation with her. In the end I tried calling my dead sect huiting she really feels I am not right but she is on phone so I tell her nvm after she use finish then sms me lor. In the end I sms and tell her about how I feel. Although she is really trying to console me I really appreicate it but does not seem to help at all. I never did tell her totally what happen she only knows part of it anyway I told her I will be fine so ended the message.
I really keep on thinking why am I still existing and living I even though of dying at one point of time. However dying does not solve my problems at all but I feel so miserable I wish someone could just come and help me. However the problem can only be solved by myself. Hai sometimes it really a pain living like that but I will carry on.
Jimmy stop typing at 5:16 PM
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January 2005