Yeah finally alex is back, wohooooooo after his return made up of mind already. Recently started work on thursday at charted semiconductor, well it not bad actually though the pay is quite low but anyway it not doing for long so might as well. There is this guy who worked with me really said some very good advise to me. Well after listening to his wisdom I suddenly think back. The reason why I am so stress up is all because I can't think out of the box. After I know the reason why I am stress up I relax up alot. And yeah finally the mj losing streaks are over, feeling so relax while playing mj and I win over 26.50. The decision making is way dragging too long, I should have made up my mind earlier. I will stay down in sg and made my studies, that way can save money and don need to worry about bank loans. Well I actually told her I will be going overseas maybe that time is confusion time and I never think properly. Firstly then I think I should made an apology to her, and finally I think that issue can be let go already. Well I don think she would be reading but just to update I deleted away her blog address so I won't be reading up on her life anymore.
Although it sad but I guess that is the best way, I think I can return back to who I am already. Confidence which I lost I think is back judging on the mj winnings I believe I have regain almost 90% maybe there is still a 10% lacking cuz I still believe I am very lucky kind of guy. So the remaining 10% shall be my luck haha. Well finally the decision is made I shall stay in sg and study in SIM. Thanks alex for coming back and finally made me made up mind wahaha. Still as humorous as ever and still the same you alway have interesting stories to share. Your real life story if really you write out a book I believe it can be the hottest thing in town you know? Lol well all my pervious entries are so alway so sad and dull.
I shall promise the next entries and the rest of the entrie you all read shall not have any sad entries anymore. Negative thoughs come due to inconfidence and lack of faith in myself. I alway feel so inferior last time but come to think of it why do I alway think that way. All the past experience I get is just a go through I should learn from it and improve my life instead of making it even sadder. Life itself is already tough why make it worse right. I think I truely has let it go, but my stand is still there, if she is willing to be my friend back again I won't reject. A friend I know or whoever is my friend I truely treasure them.
Today is crystal birthday and also her birthday well I would like to wish both of them a very happy birthday may all their wishes come true. Crystal birthday celebration sounds very good will be at a high class resturant eat . As for her I don know but I believe her family sisters and friends would give her a very good suprise birthday celebration. Crystal birthday present I bought her a frame with her name as holders clip below the frame and her picture being washed out by kodak through friendster haha. She don mind it though and glad she like it, well then today seems like alot of people's birthday so common.
I guess that it lah next entries I assure my blog won't be so dead and so dull and of course won't be so sad also. I truely sincerly hope all the best to her and hope she can stay as happy as she is.
Jimmy stop typing at 10:35 PM
Your Deadly Sins Greed: 40% Pride: 40% Wrath: 20% Envy: 0% Gluttony: 0% Lust: 0% Sloth: 0% Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14% You'll die in a castle, surrounded by servants.
Well that shows I am not that sinful right ? haha 14% only. Well to make things short and simple cuz I don want to say more and make more mistakes. Maybe it the way I phase my words which end up make the matters even worse. I shall not say anymore on that matter and hope she would be happy as she is. Maybe I should not even appear at all, maybe it sad to lose a friend, but if losing it make her feel more comfortable so be it then. I guess this is the best way and yes I know and I will do it. So in the end I am the bad guy right, everybody just scolds me, for I am messing her life. Why her comments hurt me, sigh why explain when no understanding is there for me? I don want to say anymore on this matter and yes I don want to be bothered any more. The more I try to save a friendship in the end I cause a bigger hole to it. So just because I am a virtual friend I can't have my emotions right, ya grow up man I should have grown up. I don get it what has that got to do with growing up? Sigh I should have just leave her alone in the start. Maybe that would be best or maybe I should have contacted her back constantly instead of so long then contact. After it my fault. Nothing to say le don wish to say anymore wait I get the blame again. I understand everybody wants to protect her, so just let me be the bad guy then.
Jimmy stop typing at 7:27 AM
To the anonymous
Actually I am glad you actually do come in and read my blog, but I do hope my emotions don affect you too much. You have the rights to do what you want, you can avoid me I understand and I have let it past. Of course I also have let it go, I never blame you or anyone for your actions or so. I don wish you to feel remorseful over what I have written. What I write is how I feel at that point of time, I seriously still treat you as my friend, but well if you really still feel uncomfortable talking to me then take your time. Well since you write a post out that shows you still care as a friend which I am already very happy.
Well it like maybe I think too much also, I also is a sensetive guy who been through alot of things which made me like that. I can tell by the actions of someone and roughly know what is going on. So since you choose to aviod me I can understand and I never blame you or anything. Yes it do hurts but it over please if you are reading this I hope you could get what I trying to say. No matter what happens right I still treat you as my friend I do hope we can still be friends as we are in the far past.
Is it too hard to ask ? I really don wish to lose you as a friend, whatever decisions you made I will respect it. Guess like that how many sms I send also you won't reply. It alright then I shall not contact you for the time being until you have sort out your thoughs. As for the studies thing, I really can't make up my mind as yet, so many things has happened. It made me feel so lost suddenly well I shall be fine maybe perhaps the next entry I shall conclude my decision.
Jimmy stop typing at 12:07 AM
Well I guess I am being blocked by someone, some things are best left like that I guess. I don wish to ask or do anything any more. Everyone has their own choices, guess just have to recognise fate ba. Today guni msg me asking me how come gui and jeff got drawings on their blog and why I don have. It like I have no talent in drawing and maybe plus also abit of lazyness. Yesterday went to gui house play mj, finally ended my losing streaks however win not much. The whole week been going down sim lim. First on last sat I went to sim lim to buy a graphics card. Which after buying found out that the board don support so go down second time on wed again to change and my brother in law ask me to buy him a winning eleven 9 game plus ps 2 converter and controller while going down to sim lim and change.
The things I bought the game and controller works however the converter spoil one connect to computer but usb port don recognise. So in the end go down third time again on friday to change the thing uncle like know it long ago it spoil so willingly change for me.I am suspecting that he going to rewarp back the spoil one and sell. Before going meet fai and gui at lot one to eat, and we saw yuhua. So long already never see her feel like she has shrunk or something haha. After the change go gui house play mj. Reach home on sat morning 3 am and finally the converter works hurray. However brother in law's brother is also quite interested in the game and the converter. Well maybe there is a fourth trip down to sim lim ?
Lastly I think maybe I have been not my self lately and during all these years I like a changed person. Well I really hope to find back my old self and not be bothered by what happening in my life. I seriously say this and I shall abide by to it. I believe most probably I will go overseas to study yes the bank loan will kill me but without a push there is no motivation and when there is no motivation I can't excel. Guess I alway been so relying on others it time to stand up on my own. I believe I can do it but I shall wait for more confirmation before I offically say out what my decision.
Jimmy stop typing at 12:07 AM
Your Brain is 47% Female, 53% Male 
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve
Hi well saw this on a friend's blog and have a try. Well hmm I can't believe that I have such high percentage thinking like a woman. OMG don't know whether is it so accurate haha. Maybe because I got three sisters at home got a bit of influence haha.
Anyway decision made by mom, she wants me to go overseas study for one year and see how. For she feel I staying in sg will alway be playing games and won't concentrate on studies. Well I can vow I will study hard even though I stay or go overseas. Well does not seem convincing right. My personal thinking ? Well it would be good to go overseas and have a new experince. I will consider going overseas study.
Jimmy stop typing at 6:03 PM
The world cup fever has ended yesterday morning with zidane spectular headbutt into metarazzi. Well serisouly I don understand why he do that, even though whatever actions or speech he has provoked he could have bear with it. Afterall so many years of soccer already he can't bear with it ? Maybe he really want to show the world how good his head must be. Who knows maybe now metarazzi has internal injuries already. haha anyway as expected italy win the cup without zidane and henry france has to go to second placing congrats to italy for getting the cup and amzaingly the keeper buffon never let anyone score a goal expect for penalty and own goals. Seems like world best keeper title is really not for show.
Well give it some thoughs but still can't decide about staying or leaving. Most probably I will be staying or maybe last min I might change my mind again. I wish to escape from here and maybe enjoy the peace for some time. Hai anyway further updates will post here again.
Jimmy stop typing at 12:47 AM
Everytime I read her blog I will have alot of emotions. Well just read finish a friend's blog, maybe I should be happy for her, as she find herself a new bf already. In her blog she wrote it herself although not saying she has a bf but it quite direct already the phasing of the words. I remembered she said she is single but not available and won't be thinking of finding bf so soon. Well I guess her fate is here faster than she has expected. What else can I say ? hmm other than happy for her I can't use any better words to express my feelings out. This weekend she claims she is quite free howevever she never think of meeting me, maybe that a sign of indication I should be looking out for. Maybe you all will say she it just slipped her mind, it alright as I said I am just another normal ordinary person and I will remain that way.
Maybe I should not have called her back that time at camp when I am doing my boring COS duty. Tonight I really has nothing else to say, no words I can find to describe how I am feeling now. I feel sad, disappointed the day I looking out for will never come. Hope itself is just a word not powerful enough to make things happen, actions itself although not a word maybe powerful enough to make things happen but actions with no luck will be like hope no it will reach no where.
I having second thoughs about going aust, partly is because I want to stay in singapore with my friends, maybe part of the reason is her but I guess it does not matter any more. I thinking whether should I just leave and go overseas study maybe I will feel better ? Or stay down here and study and get myself a new computer? My next entry I will tell my decision.
Lastly Whatever happens, I still wish her all the best as for the presents I guess just fated to be lying in the nicely wrapped box. Maybe I will keep it with me as a momento from japan.
Jimmy stop typing at 12:40 AM
Well portugal didn't even manage to put a scrat on france, well let just say france are really lucky to have that penalty. Anyway the fact that it lost still means miracles don just happen. I believe it will happen for a cause surely but don think it will happen on me. Lately been down on my luck, mj losing streak. If this carry on I guess I have to think of some way to increase luck. Well it really been very long since we just chatted.
Virtually she disappeared, in real life the last sms was like on last saturday that that when she explained why she never come online. Well I do believe her however I really wish to have a chat with her maybe online or perhaps a small meeting. Sigh I guess I just have to let nature take it course.
Sigh I don know what to say already and why my bit torrent is like taking forever to download finish on the longest journey 2. It like taking forever one day I been out and it just move a few percent. Hai nothing is going smoothly for me, where has all my luck been to ? In the past I could have alot of strange things but good happenings to my way. Ever since out of army my luck is like been used up already no more. What the world coming to man is it the end already ?
Anyway I shall wait for the miracle to happen but hopefully not after I went to aust then she begin to feel regretful that she never make time for me. Anyway maybe I will sms her before I fly off to aust, hopefully she could fork up some time to meet up. You all may think why am I so concern over the meeting ? Well let just say it a long known but forgotten friend which just keep back in contact. I don wish to be lost again hai but I guess I am just so ordinary won't leave any impression in anybody's memory. Maybe when they flash back they will see a boy standing in the background so far away so vague they won't even make it out who is the boy. The boy no matter how he waves his hand still remain unseen. I guess that just the fate of the boy.
Jimmy stop typing at 2:28 AM
Well it really has been very long since I last chatted with a friend, ever since she started working she disappeared from the virtual world. That it gone like that and also she claims her msn spoil even though she did come online but she won't be using msn. Hai nothing to say, read her blog seems like she is doing well and enjoying well also. I remember asking her to meet some time in june well she did give the go light but work disrupted all and hence she don seems to be free to meet up. Serisouly I am not angry or anything but it like before I ORD I got ask around the long lost friends to meet up. All say can but in the end busy with stuffs hence it pushed away. Well not that I asking too much right for some of your time, perhaps it like that I have to live with it. Well planned to go aust study and went up to a agency I shall not named it here to protect their rep. That agent looks honest and kind but in the end he is out to cheat my money. He make me go through 4 years so he can get more commission what is the world coming to. In the end make me go down IDP and reregister everything. Waste my pervious time and efforts everything and have to redo. Will keep me informed when the process is done. Sigh the others don want to meet me I don mind but I really wish before I fly I can get to meet her. I guess that is a wishful thinking besides I really doubt she read my blog even though I ask her before do she reads and she replied yes. I also doubt she will sms me to arrange a time to meet up.
I really hope can meet up some time in auguest or sep just before I fly is it too much to ask ? I know I know I should not be wildful she has her choice so I shall respect her then. Even though she do reads I highly doubt she knows I am referring to her. Sigh my present for her still in bag wrapped up nicely waiting for it's owner to come collect it. Perhaps it is fated not to be given away perhaps hai why am I so emotional tonight. Maybe because I finaly know something which hurts in some way but I will get over soon.
Ya ya I know I don have the looks, don have the height even though my family is well off I also don have the money. Everybody thinks hey he is a rich kid staying a big house, however my mother don want to give me pock money she thinks I should go out work and earn it myself. Yes yes everytime she sees me at home alway nag at me and yes she do refuse to give but I alway ask for meal money so she relunactly gave so it like miserable 20 to 30 bucks ? Yes I know how come I am such a failure, perhaps I should be left this way. Whatever I should just suffer in silence would there be such a day she will arrange to meet ? Well if port manage to win france I shall believe in miracles and hope it will happen on me.
Quote I read from a book:
逃避现实所耗费的代价，常远高于面对现实所要付出的心力。
我们必须先学会接受现况，才能找到解决问题的方法。
Jimmy stop typing at 2:21 AM
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January 2005