Everytime I read her blog I will have alot of emotions. Well just read finish a friend's blog, maybe I should be happy for her, as she find herself a new bf already. In her blog she wrote it herself although not saying she has a bf but it quite direct already the phasing of the words. I remembered she said she is single but not available and won't be thinking of finding bf so soon. Well I guess her fate is here faster than she has expected. What else can I say ? hmm other than happy for her I can't use any better words to express my feelings out. This weekend she claims she is quite free howevever she never think of meeting me, maybe that a sign of indication I should be looking out for. Maybe you all will say she it just slipped her mind, it alright as I said I am just another normal ordinary person and I will remain that way.
Maybe I should not have called her back that time at camp when I am doing my boring COS duty. Tonight I really has nothing else to say, no words I can find to describe how I am feeling now. I feel sad, disappointed the day I looking out for will never come. Hope itself is just a word not powerful enough to make things happen, actions itself although not a word maybe powerful enough to make things happen but actions with no luck will be like hope no it will reach no where.
I having second thoughs about going aust, partly is because I want to stay in singapore with my friends, maybe part of the reason is her but I guess it does not matter any more. I thinking whether should I just leave and go overseas study maybe I will feel better ? Or stay down here and study and get myself a new computer? My next entry I will tell my decision.
Lastly Whatever happens, I still wish her all the best as for the presents I guess just fated to be lying in the nicely wrapped box. Maybe I will keep it with me as a momento from japan.
Jimmy stop typing at 12:40 AM
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January 2005