Just read april blog a few days ago, on her blog she mention something about taking the first step out to do something. Taking the first step indeed require bravery and guts. Actually I did make a first step of do doing something which I think is worth while to do and I really did my best to do it. However the result isn't what I really want to see even though I already expected that something like this would happen already.
Perhaps my life is already fated when I am born so short , or perhaps there is something that I did in the past life which cause this to happen. Whatever is the reason all I can say is that it seems no matter what I do , there won't be any changes to this. I can understand and I don blame anyone for this, in fact I will try to stay happy and also wish that she would attain her happiness. Perhaps all I can be is just a friend. It feel so sad to know that how much efforts you put in also will end up no where.
I alway wonder if someone else who is taller , better looking who did what I did before , would it change the outcome ? At lease I think that person would stand a better chance than me. I think she feel grateful for helping her and that all, but is asking for a chance too much to ask ? I can already tell that this is going no where. People who are reading my blog now must be asking what have I done ? Well everyone know about the little nygoya show that air on 9pm channel 8 which ended on monday night. A friend of mine recently missed her episode on new year eve. On that day I actually already though of asking her would she be missing , but I though she really like that show so maybe she will watch it then meet her friends after that. Shortly after that she sms me asking me did I manage to download everything of the show? I do download dramas however because the uploader will be quite slow in uploading so I told her I don have the complete series and maybe a few days later then the uploader will upload the torrent. Only then I can download the episode she missed. However since it a drama therefore missing one episode will make one feel very frustrated I can full understand that.
Then somehow on new year day my mum told me she manage to record it on tape, so I decided to take the tape and went to my friend's place to request for his help on converting the tape to computer playable format. After doing for many hours and I though it finally done only to find out that the tape didn't record finish because my mum start recording too early. By then it was already quite late and if she didn't get to watch the episode before it would be hard for her to continue on that night's episode. My friend suggested using demand tv since he got cable, we search and there is no mediacorp dramas. Therefore the only way out is to subscribe to mobtv. That what I did and I manage to download the episode which she missed and also the advance ones so she could watch it before airing on tv. Therefore she don need to wait to monday to see the ending.
After that we planned to meet again on tuesday, but my friend who got married recently wanted to treat a dinner for the people who helped him during his wedding therefore I have to ask her to change to another day. She suggested monday because she is moving office and if I get to meet her then she can ask her dad don need to drive her back her stuffs. We had dinner then go home, I tried to ask her go out or go somewhere she said she wanted to watch little nygoya on tv. Actually I understand that she don want to so I didn't say anything. So after sendng her home, help carry her stuffs upstairs to eight floor then she carry it home from there. I really tried to ask her go out again but she say she will be busy. Well not that I am complaining here or anything just want to say out some of my feelings. Giving a chance or not is up to her mah I can't really force her, if I am not her type of guy perhaps she did what she feel.
When I know her few years back, I already sort of got feelings for her, but I didn't do anything because I know this outcome, and a few months later she got attached. Until recently then break off, I though now would be the time if not missed the chance again. However now can see that she really has no interest in me so no matter when I do it is still the same, I guess all I can do is wish her happiness and find someone better to take care of her. I do feel sad but if this is going to be my life then I will accept it.
Jimmy stop typing at 6:34 AM
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January 2005