Hi people I touch down at sydney yesterday night at 7.45pm after going through all the customs and finally came out, I saw my uncle and cousin at the airport waiting to pick me up. My cousin is quite young and got his license when he is like 17, well I was sort of worrying when he is driving me back to his home. His dad my uncle is beside him supervising and I believe after months of practising I think he should be quite stable now. Anyay last night when I reach home around 9 don know why I am so damn tired, afeter bath and watch Korean version of metoer garden I went to bed at 11pm I think singapore time is like 8.00 pm. Must be time difference I wake up in the middle of the night arhh need some time adjust I guess.
Anyway today I went to westfield shopping center did some shopping and buying my wow game card. After I reach home I got this very tired feeling and needed some sleep. Hence I took a nap and I guess I must be really missing her so much so that she even appeared in my dreams. Well I can remember cleary that she was talking to me something about her work, and she was like saying she is very busy with her work and needed some chicken essence as she is alway staying up late in the night. I being in the dream quickly offered that I can send it over if you want. I got her smile that all seriously speaking that is enough lor I am quite happy already too bad it just a dream. I wanted to talk more suddenly I heard my cousin calling me zhihong hey zhihong in my dream how come got my cousin appearing out of nowhere I was quite puzzled then I wake up to find that it my real cousin calling me to go downstairs to eat ice-cream. Arhh destroy my dream with her I wanted to go back sleep and hopefully can dream of her again but this time it never came. Sigh next time I should tell my cousin I am sleeping please don anyhow call me unless it emergency.
Actually through this dream I can say I really can't just get over her, and I believe would even take a very long time. I also don know why I have such strong feelings towards her, in the past the gals who rejected me all along I could just walk away but this time I don think I can do it that easily. Sigh shall concentrate everything on my studies first hopefully all my attention can be diverted away.
Jimmy stop typing at 8:11 PM
Well finally the wait is over, I am now in my lowest peak. Today my temle friends ask me to have lunch with them. Initally was just plan to have lunch with them and dinner with my secondary school friends. However don know what happen the dinner plans was cancel and I spend the time with my temple friends instead. After lunch my temple friends suggested to go one of the guy's home and sing KTV. He bought a set and has transferred over 300 songs. Before we start I went and check my e-mail and the reply mail is finally here.
Before I can check the mail they come out and because the system require the computer hence I can't check. I was like thinking all on the mail and not really concentrating with the singing. They see my oddness and enquire me what happen and such then I told them I need to check the e-mail. So the owner say I can stil check while they sing because the system isn't affected even though I am checking mail. The e-mail reply is just as what I have expected feeling sad is all I have. And I happened to have choosen guang liang's song di yi ci and before I sing that song my friends all know I don't sing very well. When I started singing they was amazed like what happened to me how come I suddenly so good in singing that song. I also don know what happen when I sing that song I just go by the flow and when I reach the chorus part, I think my emotion is up to the limit which I can't really control tears began to fill my eyes. I trying very hard to stop it flowing out but it still did.
Well they started to joke about it to cheer me up, they also never really expect me to sing that well in the first place and then to be so emotionally singing they say alright they know it the first time cuz I was singing first time. Anyway back to topic perhaps I just meant to be a friend only, all I can be is only a friend. I don want to be just a friend only.
Even though I know what the outcome already but still I can't stop feeling sad, 2 more days and I will be leaving here, hope all these sad memories would not follow me.
To sweetamy85: There is no one beside me now, currently single as of yet again. I really want to treasure if I got one. Perhaps I aren't meant to have one, it just seems so impossble for me. No one ever understand why I am looking for her, everyone just think I am just trying to find anyone I see or grab. This is not really true all I am looking for is having someone special to company me. I believe everyone is also looking for that, maybe I seem like trying very hard that all but doesn't mean I am just anyhow looking for one and tackling anyone I see. I don hope everyone would understand me because everyone got different views and comments and I also don really blame them for not undersanding me. As for me now I guess rls just isn't going to happen to me in any time soon. When people ask me how many gf I have before I tell them 5 and they was like saying you got gf before mah how come still so hard in looking for one. What they don know is that my gf in the past didn't really share any memories with me, they are abit like virtual dating or gals which didn't really appeared by my side when I needed her. So all in all I don really have a real relationship happening in my life. I wonder y some people fight to surivive and some people just want to end their life. When I look at the people fighting from the disease I am blessed because I am still alive and when I see people ending their lives I am sad because they give up their life too easily. Everything in life don't just happened, it happened for a very good reason, I will have to take some time to sort my thoughs out.
Don worry people I will be fine and if it isn't meant to be mine, no matter how hard I fight she also wont be mine. I just wonder when will she appear...........
Jimmy stop typing at 9:58 PM
I believe this is really the longest wait of my life, I can't help but prepare for the worse case secenario. Seng I read your blog, thanks for the advise but I believe there are gals who aren't so $ orientated. I though for once I have found her, but look like it just an illusion.
Thanks sweetamy but I guess no matter what I do , I still will end up where I am. Hai don know what else can be done or say maybe a simple thank you is all I can show to all those who cared for me. My right gal seems so far away that I can't even reach out to her. Maybe your right guy isn't as far as you think, just be hopeful and take your time in finding. I believe you will find a better one than your last.
Jimmy stop typing at 8:46 PM
Life is alway so unpredictable just when you think there is no way out, another path would open up for you. It just a matter of whether you want to walk on that path or not. Why show me the path only when the time is running out, just like showing a candy to a dying kid. It makes the kid happy but can't live long to taste the sweetness. Hai since it has to be this way then so be it, go with the flow and hope something good would come out.
I been having some dreams lately and how I wish I could just sleep in forever and live in that dream. It is really the perfect world that I hope to have but couldn't get in the real world. If only my dreams will become relality I would forever be so thankful and appreciative of what I got in my life. My world is still so incomplete I wonder when can it ever be a whole.
Anyway replying to the tag boards sweetamy thanks for the console, I will try to live strong and happy. As for what you has said you broken off with your boyfriend last year and reason being his friends don like you so he break off with you. Seriously speaking I think that is a very lame excuse, I think when 2 lovers met and when they are meant to be together no matter how diffcult the situation is , eventually something can be made out. Afterall you are dating him not his friends or someone else, what matters should be solely on you and him. If there is no problem between you 2 but because of friends then cause problems then I must say the love between you 2 aren't that strong. Well at lease it is good now that it is discovered rather than later if not will be even harder and sadder than now. If drag longer would even take a longer period of time to recover and while recovering you might even miss the chance of meeting the right guy. If a guy really likes you, he shouldn' care about what others look at him or look at you. Other views or comments shouldn't matter. So my initial comment still stands, no matter even though now you got rejected but then don forget you are still choosing your future bf, so only time can tell a person charactor and such. Hopefully as time goes by you can observe who is being good to you and eventually stay by your side all the time while you are sad or down. I don know is there such a guy but just saying it in general hopefully you would see such a guy soon.
Jimmy stop typing at 12:41 AM
I hope it really is going to be one should I carry on and hitting the wall ? I have a belief that if I try hard enough I could fly or maybe in this case succeed. However time is running out for me, I really wish I could have more time here , all I ask is one day , one chance and one opportunity. Is it too much to ask ?
Anyway I leaving next week wednesday 18th of feb 9.30 am, I wish to stay longer but cannot have to go off earlier because no one is around to send me to airport. That why time is not really on my side. I wish before I go I could do something here but would I end up like before ? or would I succeed ? I want to say alot of things but all in all I have to keep it inside me. Sigh 9 months is a really long time, anything can happen let hope my miracle would happen when I come back.
Thank you so much friends for read my blog and supporting me, I understand all your sayings and well thoughs. All in all I guess if my life is fated to be like this I can only say I resign to fate. Sweetamy you mention that you are also single, but you forgot one thing, you are a gal and hence you are the one choosing who to be your boyfriend. You can reject or accept so eventually right you will find your ideal guy one day. Therefore for you is a matter of time, maybe by the time I come back in nov you would be happily attached. Wish you all the best hope you would find the right guy soon. You know even though you been reading my blog I still don know who are you haha, but with your support that is more than enough. Thanks for reading, take care and all the best in everything you do.
Zegui you are so happily attached now, all I can say is wish you and her happiness and eventually hope to receive the red bomb soon from you.
April you are happily married, too bad I can't attend your wedding dinner but don worry my blessing will still come all the way from Australia.
Lianseng even though I don know what is happening in your life , but I roughly guess what has happened. Glad you could move forward in your life. Advise for you don just charge into any wall you see, look first before you charge. You could leap over if it is too hard meaning give it a pass. If not you would be end up hurting yourself and finding yourself alway recovering from injuries.
Choonfai I think no one knows your matter better than me all in all if it a closure already then just let it go. In life there is no such thing as there won't be a better person coming. You have to believe that it would happen in the first place. Someone who keep on thinking I am going to fail and don't try anything eventually he will fail. First attitude isn't correct second his mentality also not correct. And that carries on will lead to lack of self confident and whatever things he do will not be a good outcome. When a person keep on failing what would he do or think ? He would blame himself for being so useless and also imcompetent and when he lack the will to live he would end his life. Saying all this I don know how much can you get in but I hope you would understand that the next person who come might not be the better person you hope to be but to judge that you would have to find out yourself first. All the best and hopefully this 9 months would be a good recovery period for you.
With that I shall end my blog here, with regards to the story I want to say I decided to postphone until I got a proper script and motivation to write it out. I will try keep this updated.
Jimmy stop typing at 10:05 PM
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January 2005