Well finally the wait is over, I am now in my lowest peak. Today my temle friends ask me to have lunch with them. Initally was just plan to have lunch with them and dinner with my secondary school friends. However don know what happen the dinner plans was cancel and I spend the time with my temple friends instead. After lunch my temple friends suggested to go one of the guy's home and sing KTV. He bought a set and has transferred over 300 songs. Before we start I went and check my e-mail and the reply mail is finally here.
Before I can check the mail they come out and because the system require the computer hence I can't check. I was like thinking all on the mail and not really concentrating with the singing. They see my oddness and enquire me what happen and such then I told them I need to check the e-mail. So the owner say I can stil check while they sing because the system isn't affected even though I am checking mail. The e-mail reply is just as what I have expected feeling sad is all I have. And I happened to have choosen guang liang's song di yi ci and before I sing that song my friends all know I don't sing very well. When I started singing they was amazed like what happened to me how come I suddenly so good in singing that song. I also don know what happen when I sing that song I just go by the flow and when I reach the chorus part, I think my emotion is up to the limit which I can't really control tears began to fill my eyes. I trying very hard to stop it flowing out but it still did.
Well they started to joke about it to cheer me up, they also never really expect me to sing that well in the first place and then to be so emotionally singing they say alright they know it the first time cuz I was singing first time. Anyway back to topic perhaps I just meant to be a friend only, all I can be is only a friend. I don want to be just a friend only.
Even though I know what the outcome already but still I can't stop feeling sad, 2 more days and I will be leaving here, hope all these sad memories would not follow me.
To sweetamy85: There is no one beside me now, currently single as of yet again. I really want to treasure if I got one. Perhaps I aren't meant to have one, it just seems so impossble for me. No one ever understand why I am looking for her, everyone just think I am just trying to find anyone I see or grab. This is not really true all I am looking for is having someone special to company me. I believe everyone is also looking for that, maybe I seem like trying very hard that all but doesn't mean I am just anyhow looking for one and tackling anyone I see. I don hope everyone would understand me because everyone got different views and comments and I also don really blame them for not undersanding me. As for me now I guess rls just isn't going to happen to me in any time soon. When people ask me how many gf I have before I tell them 5 and they was like saying you got gf before mah how come still so hard in looking for one. What they don know is that my gf in the past didn't really share any memories with me, they are abit like virtual dating or gals which didn't really appeared by my side when I needed her. So all in all I don really have a real relationship happening in my life. I wonder y some people fight to surivive and some people just want to end their life. When I look at the people fighting from the disease I am blessed because I am still alive and when I see people ending their lives I am sad because they give up their life too easily. Everything in life don't just happened, it happened for a very good reason, I will have to take some time to sort my thoughs out.
Don worry people I will be fine and if it isn't meant to be mine, no matter how hard I fight she also wont be mine. I just wonder when will she appear...........
Jimmy stop typing at 9:58 PM
Archives
January 2005